My Randomness...

The Sun's Flower

2010-09-03T10:25:00.001-04:00

(Click the picture to find me...)

Keep In Touch

2010-08-27T10:32:00.003-04:00

Although I may not be using my blogspot to post new entries I am still gonna keep this to stay in contact with my blogspot people! :) Keep in touch!

In the meantime check me out @ The Sun's Flower aka my Quote Garden

Moving

2010-07-13T09:40:00.003-04:00

So I made a note that I was going to stop blogging... Who was I kidding? Ha! So I will continue blogging but I did make the switch to a new location... So I've decided to move to a new space... The Sun's Flower. Follow me, if you please...

I'm not good with change but...

2010-06-30T23:36:00.003-04:00

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power. ~Alan Cohen

Food for Thought:

2010-06-25T10:11:00.004-04:00

There are two primary choices in life:
1) To accept conditions as they exist or
2) to accept responsibility for changing them
~Denis Waitley

Angels Cry

2010-06-21T07:28:00.002-04:00

Pray for Forgiveness

2010-06-20T18:52:00.002-04:00

"Beautiful morning, please dont wake me from my sleep cause i need some comfort, to regain my sanity. i dont want to feel this crazy, i dont want to feel this heartache. im so broken hearted no where left to runno where left to goso i hopei pray for forgivenesslook for the answercause its hard for me to pretend"

How I'm feeling...

2010-06-19T13:48:00.002-04:00

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer. ~Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

I know well what I am fleeing from but not what I am in search of. ~Michel de Montaigne

We run away all the time to avoid coming face to face with ourselves. ~Author Unknown

Waving the white flag

2010-06-17T02:22:00.000-04:00

'I'll Die' by Floetry

Intro:
We are who we choose to be.
I'm responsible for me.

Hook:
If I stay right here,
I'll die inside.
Ran out of tears,
I can barely get by.
It's fair to say,
That we tried.
You know I wanna stay,
If I do, I'll die.

Coulda been another one of those,
Coulda made it,
Shoulda made it,
Woulda made it,
Had I gave it,
Just a little bit more of my time.
Just a little focus,
Coulda broke this,
Woulda woke this,
Shoulda choked this,
Had I chose bliss I'dve left this infatuation,
Far behind,
I'll exchange my mind,
No more wasting time,
This process is mine,
In Your eyes,
My reflection is blind,
In your arms I decide,
This is our last night,
Goodbye.
(Goodbye)
I have to leave you.
(Goodbye)
I have to be true.
(So long for you and I.)

(Hook)

Been a addicted,
To the burden of the gifted,
To the sermon of the shifted,
Always praying to be lifted.
Always settling,
Never bettering.
How'm I gonna win,
If I'm not listening.
Always asking for
Never noticing,
Every move I make,
This game's reacting in,
Perfect symmetry,
I'm my destiny,
Must invest in me,
Or I'm just gonna be,
Victim of circumstance,
All is left to chance,
How can I enhance?
I'm afraid to dance.
I must break this trance,
‘Cause it's deafening,
So I'm breathing in.
I'm breathing in.
Breath to get control of me.
I have to breath.
I have to be.

(Hook)

Bridge:
What's the use of living here,
If I don't feel alive?
Denied mistakes,
So much I've done.
So much to cry.
I cry.

Cruisin

2010-06-16T20:14:00.004-04:00

Day 1: Carnival Destiny

"I'm tired from traveling (2 hours by plane to Orlando, FL and 4 hours by car to the port)... I felt anxious to start this cruise. I've never been on a cruise ship before. Frankly since I was in the 5th grade and my teacher read me the story of the Titanic I was not anxious to get on a ship EVER lol. Other than the fear of being in the middle of the ocean.... I also feel like this is a turning point in my life. As I sit on the balcony and look out over the horizon with nothing but the sounds of the waves to occupy my mind I am gently reminded that just like the water- nature takes it's course. I may not be able to control the storms but I can surely live through them. I can't control everything in life... sometimes I just have to let go and let God... "

Day 2: @ sea under the stars

"The sun just went down and the sky is clear. The stars are out and shining with a special glow tonight. I saw my first star of the night and did my usual wish 'star light start bright.... I wish that my heart finds the happiness I have lost along the way. Please guide me along my path' "

Day 3: Art Auction

"I went to my 1st official Park West art auction today. It was exciting! I think I found a new hobby... collecting art. I purchased my 1st official piece "Tickled Pink" by David Willardson. All I knew is the picture made me smile so I went with it. It was exciting bidding and it felt nice to win my piece. It's an expensive hobby so it takes time to build but my next goal is to get my hands on a piece by Romero Britto, Marcus Glenn, or Gary Benfield. So far they make me 'feel' the most..."

Day 4: @ sea under the sun

As I sit here attempting to get kissed by the sun I am re-reading "The Alchemist". I am reminded that 'it has been written'. I have to go with the flow and accept my life's mission... I am anxious for what waits for me when I get home. I have a lot of decisions to make and a life to live... For now I will just sit here looking at the clouds and listening to the water as we travel back to shore. BTW, I am full... cruises have food for days! It need to get back to my regular work out routine when I get home lol. For now I'm just 'Cruisin'...

Day 5: Back on Land

"I am reminded that you can't run away from what's going on. Now I'm back on land and am faced with the reality of the choices I have to make.... It's not going to be easy but I'm learning to use the support that I have and need"

Dreams, Tigers, and Fears

2010-05-30T08:31:00.003-04:00

I had a dream that involved tigers in my dream. I've never seen them in my dreams before so I looked it up online for some 'meaning'... All I can say is 'whoa'! Dreams amaze me.

Tiger Dreams - the Hidden Meaning

Psychological Meaning: A tiger may symbolize something that frightens you. It may represent repressed feelings and emotions or a situation in waking life that terrifies you. Courage will see you through this period of adversity.

Mystical Meaning: In the children’s’ poem Tyger Tyger by the mystical poet William Blake the tiger represents material existence. His ‘fearful symmetry’ is the suffering that we experience in the world of opposites as opposed to innocent oneness with God. Humanity’s destiny is to regain innocence by passing through the world of experience. Your dream may be dealing with these perplexing cosmic issues.

Official remix! Drake Ft. Alicia Keys - Unthinkable (lyrics)

2010-05-19T22:16:00.000-04:00

10 Years Ago...

2010-05-16T13:55:00.000-04:00

(Above) 2000-10 years ago- Graduation picture

(Above) 2010- 10 Years Later- Reunion pic...

So after over year of planning, selling tickets, and stress my 10 year high school reunion is done! It's been one hell of a ride planning it but I am glad to be here to celebrate it... I feel refreshed after seeing everyone... Good people, lots of laughs, drinks, and memories! It's been a long time since I've felt this happy...

I have been doing a lot of reflecting on the past 10 years... Wow, a lot has happened since then! There is so much to reflect on but the one thought that stands out in my mind is "This is what life is about..." Enjoying people's company, laughing and all of that good stuff! Trying to keep this positive thought process going...

Happy Mother's Day!

2010-05-09T23:46:00.002-04:00

The Big Yellow Bus

2010-05-06T09:32:00.002-04:00

On my way to work this morning I got stuck behind a school bus. Usually I would get frustrated because of the frequent stops and the possibility of being late to work... but this time I was able to appreciate my time behind the bus. I noticed...

The little kids with book bags bigger than themselves lol One kid looked like he was going to topple over! haha
The way the kids run to the bus and seem so excited to go to school
My favorite part was watching the parents as they smiled and gave hugs to their kids before they got on the bus. It was something about the look of love in their eyes. I especially appreciated one of the moms that signed 'I love you' as the bus drove away

It also brought up a lot of fond memories I had when going to school. I remember my mom was one of the only parents that walked us to the school bus. At the time I thought it made me look like a dork but now I can appreciate that I had a mom who was willing and able to walk with us. I especially remember she would wear this white Michael Jackson sweater! LoL I also appreciated my bus driver in grade school. Her name was Karen. She was always the nicest and most welcoming person. It was a great way to start and end my school day. Even to this day when I see her around driving the bus I wave! :)

Makes me think about when I'm a mom one day (God willing). I will enjoy walking my kids to the bus...

LMAO!!!!

2010-05-04T12:49:00.001-04:00

Waldo and Carmen Sandiego!!!!! Hahaha!!!
I couldn't resist... I had to share!

Osho

2010-05-03T21:39:00.004-04:00

Started reading this book by Osho and found some interesting ideas I can relate to:

That which is unapproachable creates a deep desire to acquire it, to possess it. In the day you cannot do it, but in dreams at least you are free. Freedom to dream has not yet been taken away by governments. (Dreams are my escape-But I have to realize they are just dreams- NOT reality)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everybody is afraid of intimacy- it is another thing whether you are aware of it or not. Intimacy means exposing yourself before a stranger- and we are all strangers; nobody knows anybody. We are even strangers to ourselves because we don't know who we are. (There is a stranger in my house... It took a while to figure out ~Tamia)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have you ever asked yourself what you are searching for? Even if in some vague moments, dreaming moments, you have some inkling of what you are searching for, it is never precise, it is never exact. You have not yet defined it. One thing you do know: You need to search. This is an inner need. But you don't know what you are seeking. And unless you know what you are seeking, how can you find it? (In the process trying to figure out what in the world I'm searching for)

Nothing Gold Can Stay

2010-05-01T14:45:00.001-04:00

By Robert Frost

Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief.
So dawn goes down today.
Nothing gold can stay.

Faith...

2010-04-26T22:16:00.003-04:00

Faith can move mountains, but don't be surprised if God hands you a shovel. Remember, faith makes things possible, not easy. ~Unknown

God, this isn't easy but in the end I leave in your hands... I am weak... please give me strength...

Back in the days...

2010-04-23T19:33:00.003-04:00

When times got tough I would pick up and study abroad... Wish it was that easy now... then again I'm not 21 anymore... What would a 28 year old do? I guess I just have to face things head on. There is no where else to run...

God, what does this all really mean?! My heart is heavy... so heavy...

Movies

2010-04-20T09:38:00.004-04:00

Status: I thought things like this only happen in the movies!? Go figure...
Question: Is that good or bad?
Response: If I were in a movie it would probably be a happy ending... but then again I'm not an actress and this sure isn't a movie! ::smh::

I need some time away from myself... :Clicks heels together: "There is no place like home... there is no place like home!" Wait, that's from a movie!!!! FML!

Time

2010-04-19T22:16:00.001-04:00

"Clocks slay time... time is dead as long as it is being clicked off by little wheels; only when the clock stops does time come to life." ~William Faulkner

Concluding Thoughts:

2010-04-18T14:14:00.004-04:00

I will always be proud to see my letters (Omega Phi Beta) Especially fresh ones :) Soleil!
New Paltz will always be my home away from home...
Doing P90X on a hard wood floor with no mat hurts lol
Normally dancing would be my thing but I realized I will take a good conversation by the bar over dancing any time. I don't even remember what music was playing...
2 hours of semi-sleep... It took me a whole day to recover from the lack of sleep but it was worth it (every second)
Some things change and some things never will... It's just the facts of life
Not everything is supposed to make sense just let it be
Never drive on 287 when you are lacking sleep... You feel like your car is flying and reflexes don't work so well.

Ok, now back to my regularly scheduled program... my reality...

PostSecret

2010-04-18T09:22:00.003-04:00

I know that I do... Sometimes they are just meant to be your weakness. You can try to improve as much as you can... but hope that your weakness combined w/strength will be enough.

Thank You

2010-04-13T10:50:00.004-04:00

Just received a nice compliment... I wanted to write it down so I don't forget lol...

"If no one has told you today... let me be the first to say you make the world a better place to deal with. Thank you."

It feels good, even if for a moment in time, to feel appreciated...

Sade...

2010-04-12T15:18:00.006-04:00

1st Place: The Safest Place

In my heart
Your love has found
The safest hiding place
Inside is a field (of sunflowers) ;)
And trees and a lake
Around is a wall
No-one from hell could break
In there you'll shine
In there you will cry
My heart has been a lonely warrior
Who's been to war
So you can be sure
In my heart your love has found
The safest hiding place
Inside is a stream
Around is a wall
No-one from hell could break
In there will shine
The light of heaven's eye
In there you will cry
My heart's been a lonely warrior
Who's been to war
So you can be sure
Your love's in a sacred place
The safest hiding place
My heart has been a lonely warrior before
Who's been to war
So you can be sure

2nd runner up: "Moon and the Sky"... whoa

Budget Cuts!

2010-04-09T10:45:00.001-04:00

The Governor of NJ is proposing a 8.7% (3.6 million dollar) cut in the Educational Opportunity Fund program! Insane! I told our students about it and I feel a little taken back because not enough of them are upset! We are asking them to at least write letters to their senators and a few asked 'is it mandatory?" WHAT!??? Maybe it's my New Paltz roots... but if you tried to cut the EOP program at New Paltz you better believe there will be protests up and down the entire state of NY. Is it a generational thing? Many of them don't seem like they want to 'fight' for themselves!? I'm confused...

Well that's all I have to say about that.... Until next time... ~N.B.

P.S. TGIF! Words cannot express how glad I am that today is Friday!

P.P.S. Shout out to my fallin brother-bloggers LoL You will be missed... May you continue to write outside of the blogging world... and continue to move forward in peace and happiness...

Happy Easter!

2010-04-04T11:47:00.003-04:00

My nephew made some Easter eggs! They sure are creative now. When I was little the most we could do was make them different colors... now you can dress them up :) Happy Easter all! God Bless you and your families!

Summer Goals:

2010-04-03T18:05:00.003-04:00

I'm the kind of person that enjoys having lists to check off along the way... It keeps me motivated to accomplish them... The nice weather has me making my new 2010 summer goals list:

Visit more of the 'touristy' places in NYC that I took for granted all of these years. 1st stop Ellis Island. I am in the process of researching my 1st ancestors who come over from Italy. Kind of excited about it...
Go bike riding more often
Go on a few picnics at the park :) I found a nice spot locally...
Get a new softball glove (I lost my old one)... Play more softball or at least play catch
Teach Pablo how to dance merengue, bachata, and salsa! LoL He said he is willing to learn
Start planning more for the wedding (about a year and a half away) Time flies
See another Broadway/off-Broadway play. (It's been a long time)
Finish planning and have a successful 10 year high school reunion. It's been a lot of work but I am hopeful everything will work out the day of
Spend more time with my family... Hanging out w/my sister... hiking with my dad... watching movies w/my mom... going to the park w/my nephew
Go to a baseball game at Shea or Yankees Stadium
Out of state road trips: Philadelphia and/or DC
Get in the best shape of my life (since Fall 02) ;) I'm on my way... P90X LoL

Soldier of Love

2010-03-29T18:47:00.003-04:00

I heard Sade's new album today... It's serious!
If you don't know... now you know... LoL
Check out her website...

Crackin' up...

2010-03-29T10:42:00.003-04:00

I just had one of those moments when I stop... look (back)... and laugh. Knee slap kind of laugh... LMAO!!!! Ay I crack myself up... ::Sigh:: It's great to be able to laugh about things later... Especially things that were not funny at all for so long... now all you can do smile... :)

Hoarding

2010-03-28T16:18:00.002-04:00

I watched this show called "Hoarders"... I wasn't too sure about what that meant at first. Hoarding is defined as a disorder marked by an obsessive need to acquire (and failure to use or discard) a significant amount of possessions, even if the items are worthless or hazardous. Only in America can someone accumulate so many things it overcomes their homes/lives... But... after watching the show I began to think about things that I hold onto... I realized that although I don't have too many physical possessions... I tend to collect thoughts and acquire memories beyond my need... It is the reason why I can become overloaded at times... I hold onto memories, thoughts, people even after they fail to be useful anymore... Attempting to delete/discard some of those things that can be hazardous to my peace of mind...

2010-03-27T01:41:00.002-04:00

Couldn't sleep without speaking my mind a little more... On a second more positive thought... "When one makes what you perceive to be a 'mistake', something good comes from it..." The good is in those who saw me through... Saw the strength in me when I had none... My life will never be the same but I am not a victim rather a survivor of my life's own circumstances...

April Showers...

2010-03-27T00:54:00.003-04:00

March is ending... April is approaching... wish I could skip over it. Stress and anxiety seeps through my pores weakening my body, mind and spirit. They say April showers (more like hurricanes) bring May flowers... I have a feeling it's going to be a tough one this year... 2,555 days... I thought this was all behind me... I'm looking forward to the flowers of May and beyond... Telling myself... "Just let is ALL go!"

Trying to hold onto my mantra... "Today I will be too CALM for worry, too NOBLE for anger, and too STRONG for defeat... Today is a NEW day..."

My Mom

2010-03-14T01:10:00.002-05:00

I am my 'mother's daughter'. The older I get the more I can appreciate that... When I become a mother (one day) I pray I could be as good to my child as good as she has been to me. She is the reason why I believe in angels on earth... I've never met another woman like her.. Love you, Mom!

In the Stars

2010-03-08T10:09:00.004-05:00

I had a conversation about zodiac signs yesterday... I don't know enough about them but it was an interesting conversation... I am a Capricorn... According to some...

"Capricorn individual is stable, hard-working, practical, methodical, and ambitious, never losing sight of his goals regardless of how many obstacles are in the way. Capricorn in any relationship is a down-to-earth traditionalist who follows the rules. Once you have been admitted to her inner circle, she will prove a reliable, trustworthy friend who will suffer your shortcomings in silence rather than make a fuss. Capricorn will not be the one to head to the beach on a whim or go out for a night of reckless partying, but she will gladly grill some steaks and provide the red wine for a civilized evening with a few close friends. Sh is a good friend to bounce ideas off of, as she is by nature cautious and reasonable, always weighing the pros and cons of any given situation. She will probably not be a comedian every day, but he will likely surprise you with very funny comments that seem to come out of the nowhere at the most appropriate moments. All in all, your Capricorn friend will be there for you when you need him, and at work when you don't!"

On another note: According to the signs.... I also found out that me (Capricorn) and my fiancee (Gemini) are complete opposites... in fact they went as far to say that the relationships between the two signs are "not a match made in heaven" but I kind of liked the thought of attempting to defy the stars and try to make my own constellation. LoL

2010-03-05T12:36:00.003-05:00

"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day." ~E. B. White

Beautiful

2010-03-04T22:40:00.004-05:00

I've always been a fan of Vivian Green... she recently came out with a new song "Beautiful"...

And of course Alicia Keys is always beautiful with her new single "Unthinkable" I must say it is my favorite song on her album... Countdown to Alicia Keys concert March 17th! :)

Self Preservation

2010-02-28T10:30:00.006-05:00

One may never fully understand what dreams mean... but I think my dreams are a way of repairing my mind/soul... I think of so much throughout my day, sometimes I feel overloaded... People always ask me how I'm doing and I smile saying, "I can't complain"... although sometimes I can think of a few unpleasant things to say... I don't want to seem ungrateful as I am blessed in many ways. Sleep has become a way to release my tension... I dream of times that once were because I was happy. Your body/mind has a subconscious ability to protect you at all costs... My dreams may not be true in real time but it still helps me to wake up and face the day with a lighter heart...

Speaking of ... I'm off to church... time to pray...

Note to self...

2010-02-18T11:24:00.001-05:00

"The will of God shall never take you where the grace of God will not protect you."

Valentine's Day...

2010-02-13T22:45:00.000-05:00

Valentines day makes me think of the different kinds of love there are... Not everyone wants to celebrate the day but not one person can deny the presence of love in their life at some point... Here's to the loves that are currently going strong... to those who were lucky enough to rekindle what once was... childhood friendships that grew into adulthood... college sweet hearts who had the time of their life... then there is the could-of, should-of, would-0f types... Can't forget the friendly love... long distance love... Oh, and the secret love... and the unfortunate times when love has been lost... those separated by 'distance and time'... the loves that we wish we could forget sometimes... But then there are the loves that last forever no matter where you are... reasons, seasons, or maybe the 'next lifetime' kind of love... So much love...

I believe in love in all it's phases... life is not better or worse because it changes... it's just different... To have love or to lose a love is still a blessing... Every love is a new lesson learned- It doesn't matter if it's good or bad... Either way it's all love. (Punto!) ~Me

Happy Valentine's to all! To all of my people who currently have a special someone... It's not easy but love will prevail :) To all of my single people... It's not easy but it will be worth it down the road for you too ;) Time works itself out... Love finds a way.

Random thoughts...

2010-02-10T00:51:00.004-05:00

Can't sleep... Watching the snow fall outside... It's peaceful and still as I see the reflection from the street light outside my 2nd floor apartment...

Watching Zombieland before bed wasn't a good look for my mental... I know it's all fake but for some reason that's never enough of a reason to make me feel better LoL Note to self: blood and guts never make for a good night sleep or good dreams

Went out on Saturday with my other Marist half, Ladys. Night to get-a-way... dance... drink... have a good time. I remember at one point listening to the music and just being... being me... being peaceful in the vibes of the music and the chill atmosphere. I def need to chill more and just 'be'... Now I'm going to try and be one with my thoughts, the snow, and my dreams. Good night...

Camouflage

2010-02-10T00:03:00.000-05:00

I remember being in college I had this joke with a friend about "army men" who camouflage themselves in everyday life. Then I just came to realization that in the end I ended up with a Marine... not army... but still part of the military and wears camouflage... go figure...

All Too Familiar

2010-02-08T14:52:00.004-05:00

I realized I am drawn to what's familiar... even when the familiar changes... I find comfort in what I already know or once knew... The fear of action is overcome by my comfort in the familiar... I just have to leave this one up to God's care... Wish I could just leave it to chance but there comes a point when it's up to me to take action. I have to trust that even if I make a "wrong" choice the outcome will turn out "right"... one day...

My Affair

2010-02-04T10:08:00.004-05:00

I'm in ♥ with the way 'he' makes me feel, the way 'he' moves across the floor, the way 'he' shows me the music in my heart... the way I can close my eyes and feel like everything's going to be ok. There is no denying 'he' makes me feel better. He's been there through thick and thin... 'He' doesn't judge me if I skip a beat... 'he' just listens to my heart and tells me to be FREE! I miss my refuge, my love, my destiny! It's been a loooonnnngggg time... SALSA oh how I miss you dearly! Please come and save me...

Proverbs 3:5

2010-02-01T16:13:00.002-05:00

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding."

Lord, I am trying...

My guilty pleasure...

2010-01-28T10:39:00.002-05:00

I admit I am a fan of the Twilight series... I picked up the 1st book as a deal I had with my mom so she could have someone to talk to about the books. I didn't expect to like them and now 4 books later... I am hooked! LoL Don't judge me Ha!

Faith

2010-01-25T12:30:00.003-05:00

This picture was taken post earthquake in Haiti... the entire church fell to the ground yet still the cross remains... amazing!

Immortal

2010-01-22T22:09:00.000-05:00

My motivation... “What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.” ~Albert Pine

Mountains Beyond Mountains... Haiti

2010-01-15T14:20:00.002-05:00

I recently read a book called Mountains Beyond Mountains... It is about a man who founded an organization called Partners in Health. The organization works to bring modern medical care to poor communities in nine countries around the world (including Haiti). The founder started his organization in a community in Haiti. Partners in Health has been one of the largest health care providers in rural Haiti. "While earthquakes are acts of nature, extreme vulnerability to earthquakes is manmade," quotes the author Tracy Kidder. Check out the article he wrote, A Country Without a Net. If you want to learn more check out the book... it's sad but it's also inspiring how one person could make such a difference to the poor.

The part that kind of makes me a little frustrated is Haiti was a poor nation BEFORE the earth quake where was all of the help before? It wasn't a secret... Now the whole world wants to help... Don't get me wrong I think it's beautiful that everyone is gathering together to help... I just can't help the thought that it's a little " late". Either way I donated what I could and my prayers are with the people of Haiti.

::Sigh::

2010-01-14T10:45:00.004-05:00

Today is an Evanescence kind of day... Since 2003 when the "Fallen" album came out it has been my refuge when I need to retreat to my car and my own thoughts... I wish I never had to listen to the album again because it's only when I try to disconnect that I bring out this album... ::Sigh:: I can't shake the feeling that I've been down this road before... Is this déjà vu?

Happy Holidays!

2009-12-22T13:33:00.004-05:00

Happy holidays to all! Make sure to appreciate your family, life, friends, and health. In the end it's what gets you through.

I will be the big 2-8 on Sunday! For some reason I'm just not in the celebrating mood this year. I still can't believe the holidays are here. Excited about the new year though. 2009 sure gave me a run for my money but I'm glad to see it go. Looking forward to my 10 year high school reunion and my cousins wedding! Happy 2010!

P.S. Life may never make sense... but I miss my lucky #7

The Element of Freedom

2009-12-14T11:07:00.002-05:00

"I've got a pocket full of dreams" ~Empire State of Mind (Part II) Broken Down

Alicia Keys' new album comes out tomorrow! :) AND her tickets went on sale today for her concert in March at Madison Square Garden! :) I was being cheap and didn't go to her last concert and completely regretted it! I promised myself I would never miss another NY show again so I bought my ticket this morning! Whoo hoo! We are in there!

I've been thinking about her last few albums... I sure have come a long way since her 1st album in 2001, "Songs in A Minor". Things change, life moved on but I'm glad through it all I can still hear new music from my favorite artist... :) For those of you who know me... I am def a fan! :)

RIP Irene

2009-12-03T11:21:00.002-05:00

A beloved daughter, sister, mother, friend... The heaven needed an angel. RIP! Your smile and kind heart will always be remembered and never forgotten! We will continue to P.U.S.H.

Cabo 2009

2009-11-28T11:35:00.000-05:00

Random thoughts from Cabo, Mexico...

**The TIME with our family and friends are precious and we need to treat it as such. In the end it's all that matters... not how many hours of work I work or how much $ I can make**
Tried to work out while over there... I ran on the beach and it's a lot harder than it looks lol
Realized I need to stop taking myself and life so damn seriously. Who cares if everything doesn't go according to my 'master' plan. I need to let life happen and stop thinking so much.
Tasted a new drink... 'Dirty Monkey'... Yummy! ;)
Completed a book, "Mountains Beyond Mountains". Definitely got me thinking...
Woke up at 5:45 AM to go on the beach and watch the sunrise... Amazing!
As much as I love NY... I could definately get used to the warm weather all year around.
Got sick on the plane ride home. Not fun but I was glad to be home and on the ground

Happy belated Thanksgiving all... Happy Holidays!!!!

10 Days to go...

2009-11-09T12:24:00.002-05:00

In 10 days I will officially be on vacation!!!!! I can't even think straight I can see the beach already! It is a much needed and welcomed time away from everything other than my fiance, the sun, food and the beach! This will be my 1st Thanksgiving away from my family but I will be back in time to celebrate my nephews 9th birthday! :)

I'm out!

It's been a while...

2009-10-28T10:00:00.004-04:00

It's been a long time since I have blogged... Let's see... Here are some random updates:

Counting down the days to vacation. I'm going to Cabo, Mexico for Thanksgiving break. I don't want to feel like a mess in my bathing suit so I've been preparing for the trip by working out. I am struggling against paying money to go to a gym so I've been trying to rely on running and biking outside. Now that the weather is getting crappy I've been using some videos. I started this Jillian Michaels video (from the Biggest Loser) and she is kicking my butt!!! The first day I did the workout I thought I was going to pass out! LoL A few days into it I feel good. Trying to work past the pain... We'll see.

Wedding planning has been put into slow motion for now. I still have 2 years to work it out... For now I already have four weddings to attend in 2010. Love is in the air and My Fair Wedding has a new season on the WE channel! I love David Tuttera! LoL

I've been contemplating going back to school for my PhD... part of me and my co-workers say "Just Do It!" and the other part of me says "Am I really prepared?". For now I've been doing some research but we will see where the wind takes me on this one.

Decided to give this twitter thing a try again... LoL I don't think I gave it enough of a chance before... We'll see.... http://www.twitter.com/Nik2B43

That's about it for now... Until next time...

A Keys

2009-09-28T09:59:00.002-04:00

Alicia Keys new album drops December 1st! Something to look forward to! :)

Just like the songs on an album relationships go through their ups and downs. Heartache happens and love follows. Never give up on love. Love as if your life depends on it. Times are tough but it's because of those hard times that you can appreciate it when you have it good!

2009-09-18T09:13:00.002-04:00

Sometimes you have to hit "rock bottom" before you can make it to the top... My optimistic ways seem to be turning into doubt and questions about everything... Could I be turning into a pessimist or is it a realist? Damn... this is crazy...

Accidents Happen...

2009-09-09T23:39:00.003-04:00

Pablo and I got into our first minor car accident this weekend... We were on the Garden State Parkway and hit a huge pot hole on the side of the road. We hit it so hard that I didn't even know what happened until after we were stopped on the side of the road trying to figure out what kind of damage was done. We are ok, thank God, but I felt bad for his car. He cracked both driver side rims and the suspension was shot. After we both collected ourselves and made sure we were ok we sat and waited for a tow truck! This is me 'enjoying' the wait LOL! Good times...

Drive Safely!

P.S. Note to self... purchase a AAA membership just incase.

The Details...

2009-09-08T21:00:00.003-04:00

I started working out again for the first time since probably November 2002 ;). I've been riding my bike, walking, and jogging. I sure can't run 3 miles like I used to but I'm building myself up. This is my third week and I'm getting stronger by the day. It feels good. The thing I like about working out is that I get to be outside. Sometimes I ride bike by the water and look out... I have been paying attention to more details as I ride. In particular people's emotions and expressions. There is this man who rides his roller blades and I always say to myself "I want what he is listening to" because he is always clapping and smiling as he glides along. There is this older man who walks with what seems to be a family member... I see him everyday. I've never met him but we continue to smile as we pass each other each day...

I am also noticing details around me not just when I'm riding... as I drive to work I've been noticing the routine everyone has in the morning. I see the other people who share the same schedule as I do... like the man who walks down the hill in his suit- he always has his cross over his tie... like the mother and son who sit on the steps waiting for their ride- sometimes the boy is happy and sometimes he cries. I especially like it when he laughs. There is this dog who always sits at the front door waiting for someone to let him out. There is also an older man- who kind of looks like Popeye... he usually crosses the street in the morning. I think he was in the military because of his tattoos. I bet he has a lot of stories to tell... I bet all of the people I see have a story to tell...

I don't know these people but I find myself looking for them on my way to work as if they make my day complete. It's in the details of human existence... Trying to be happy for the little things even if it is the smile of a child I don't know.

What makes the world go round?

2009-08-26T23:08:00.003-04:00

They say love makes the world go round... or is it money makes the world go round? I forgot the saying... Usually I would say love is what makes my world go round however, there is no denying that money (or lack thereof) is the deciding factor in many of my decisions. I noticed sometimes I find myself focusing so much on trying to earn money that I don't appreciate the love that I have in life right now. No matter how much money I have there always seems to be a worry... The wedding that is not for over another 2 years... the house that we don't have yet... and the future kids that are a figment of our dreams. Knowing me even when all of that is accomplished I will find something else to worry about... ::Sigh:: Stressing myself out as usual...

Speaking of love and money... I would LOVE to win that MONEY from the 300+ Mega Millions Jackpot! LOL My chances are 1 in 175,500,000.... at least I have a chance LOL

The hardest part of life...

2009-08-23T23:18:00.004-04:00

I would say the hardest part about life is figuring out how the decisions I make today will impact my future in both positive and negative ways. The crazy thing is I will never truly know the impact of my decisions until after the butterfly effect has already taken place... Every choice is a gamble... All you can do is follow your heart and hope it carries you through. Right?! That's the story of life...

Hey... you never know...

2009-08-22T23:40:00.003-04:00

The NY Mega Million is up to 257 million bucks! Although I know my chances of winning are slim to none it is still fun imagining and dreaming the "what if"... For the hell of it we made a list of things we would do if we ever won... Imagine! LoL

10 Year Reunion

2009-08-17T21:19:00.004-04:00

I recently started planning my 10 year high school reunion for 2010... Whoa I'm officiall getting old! I can't believe how FAST time has gone by. I would have never imagined where I would be in 10 years... The good thing is by planning the reunion I am hoping it can take my mind off the wedding planning for a while because Pablo said I am becomming a "Bridezilla" LoL

I was looking through my yearbook and couldn't help but smile... I really had a great time in high school. I miss my days of walking through the hallways talking to my friends in between classes. Those were the days when my only worry was getting my homework done and my boyfriend at the time (although that was enough to worry about) LoL. I couldn't imagine where I would be 10 years later... Crazy!

When I look back and 'review' the last ten years... I can't believe how far I've come... So many changes... so many obstacles... all of the ups and downs... but in the end everything happened for a reason... I'm excited about the reunion! The challenge is getting in touch with the other 411 alumni! :) I have my work cut out for me... Wish me luck!

It's official...

2009-07-31T23:37:00.002-04:00

I finally booked a locaiton for my wedding! What a relief!
Check out my planning blog for more info...
http://bakerbiccawedding.blogspot.com/

Life is SO Precious

2009-07-25T03:09:00.004-04:00

Twenty Seven Years Ago... Despite what the doctors said I was born a bit too soon. I should have been born in February but there I was at 7 months (2 months premature)all 2 lbs of me. My parents always described how it was like for them because back in the day premature babies didn't have the same % of survival as today. My mom had to sew me clothes because they didn't even sell clothes in my size. I can't imagine what it felt like for my parents not knowing if their child would live past a few days. I had no idea until today...

My friend gave birth to premature babies (twins)... They were only 24 weeks old (3 months premature) and only 1.5 lbs. One baby passed away after a few hours... I drove to the hospital today to be with her and the family. When I got there they just baptized the second baby. I saw him premature, so small, in an incubator. Tubes were all over his body and the sounds of machines made me feel a little nervous. As soon as I walked in I immediately saw myself in this child. I instantaneously missed my parents and prayed that God would give him strength. I didn't know what to say... I hugged my friend and just cried with her. But through it all it was too much for him too... he was much too small and his internal complications wouldn't allow him to live. The doctors did the best they could. I watched the monitors as the numbers went lower and lower... then the inevitable happened. My heart broke for my friend and her family! I cannot imagine what it would feel like as a mother... The doctors let us all hold him for the first and last time. I've never felt such a heart ache... Life is just so precious...

RIP baby boys!

Back in my book bag days...

2009-07-16T15:44:00.005-04:00

I always had a heavy load on my back. My mom always said "you are gonna have back problems" when you get older. I continued to add book after book. I wore my book bag like a badge of honor- I kept my life in there. From high school through college... it was like a blanket to a baby, my security blanket.

Time has gone by so fast and I've traded in my book bag for a "brief case" but I must say I miss my book bag days... I don't know... There was just a different kind of confidence I had while carrying a book bag and holding onto the arm straps as I walked... Now I carry a "brief case" with my calendar, bills, and notes... It's just not the same...

Sometimes I just want to throw on a Jansport with my suit and heels!

I Prayed...

2009-07-15T15:30:00.001-04:00

I have a lot to be thankful for so I pray... when good things happen I want to pray... when bad things happen I want to pray even more... When nothing happens I still want to pray. I usually pray alone but I never realized how nice it is to pray with someone else. I lay down on my bed to pray sometimes.... The other day I laid there praying silently while my fiancee was in the other room. He walked and and asked me what I was doing and I told him I was praying... he sat down next to me and said quietly "can I pray too?" He doesn't know the prayers so I just read them aloud to him...

Next week I prayed by myself that he may find a little bit of God...the next morning as I walked out the door to church he said "I will go with you."

I never felt so close to someone before...

Road Trip!!

2009-07-06T12:33:00.002-04:00

I'm not a big person for long road trips but I took my first one down south to North Carolina... Some of my highlights:

Driving through the night and arriving in North Carolina as the sun came up.

Being a beach bum for 2 days! The sound of the waves is so relaxing

I went to a Sonic's for the 1st time. I always see the commercials but we don't have any in NY. I had a Boston Creme Pie shake... yum!

I got a sun tan but I had an allergic reaction to my sunblock so I've been stocking up on benedryl.

I got to visit the Marine Corps Military base, Camp Lejeune. Pablo and I bought Marine para for the whole family :) I love my Marine!

The drive home with 4th of July traffic was a killer! We didn't get home until 3am and I had to be at work this morning.

Overall I had a great time! It's been a long time since I've been able to relax two days in a row... Next road trip is to Boston for Halloween! Until then it's back to work!

I'm a Movie Star!

2009-07-01T09:05:00.003-04:00

For some reason throughout the day I imagine my life in the context of random movies....

Yesterday it was raining 'cats and dogs' when I was walking to my car- over the hills and through the Ramapo woods- I imagined I was Batman and told my car to drive to me. "Bat mobile come now!" I imagined my car reversing and driving around the parking lot and stop exactly next to me while I was on the sidewalk waiting to be picked up. That would have been nice! :)

On my way back home there was a car in front of my who was driving all over the road... I imagined my car turning into a transformer to run in front of the other car so I can keep on my way home...

Then today I get back to work in the AM and I was walking back up the hill and through the woods and I saw squirrels, birds, ground hogs, bunnies, etc and I imagined that I was Snow White when she finds the 7 dwarfs house and all of the animals are running around the house to help her clean. LoL

Well at least I still have an imagination... I wonder what movie I will be in next?

Smooth Criminal

2009-06-29T08:19:00.002-04:00

One of my favorites... If this isn't dancing I don't know what is!!! Bananas!!!

RIP Michael Jackson

2009-06-25T22:58:00.002-04:00

June 25, 2009- We have lost an American Legend! RIP Michael Jackson! The King of Pop... the Elvis of my childhood.... or as my father said "The greatest artist of all time". The music world will never be the same... You are missed!

I always remember my parents playing MJ when I was a kid... I definately appreciate that they put me onto his music. My mom even had this cool sweater with a picture of MJ on it. She would wear it in the mornings as she walked me to the bus stop. My friend's thought it was cool :)

The saddest part is the upcoming generation may not know who he is... I have to make sure I pass his music down to my kids like my parents did for me.

Such a sad day... ::Sigh::

Like a Good Neighbor... State Farm...

2009-06-25T09:00:00.003-04:00

Ok so I'm officially grown... I re-arranged my 403(b) accounts, set up a Roth IRA, and we took out life insurance policies on myself and my fiancee. I never really understood why all of those law and order shows or movies like Denzel Washington's "Out of Time" have life insurance as part of the plot... Now I can understand... I was like "You mean if I drop dead tomorrow my spouse gets how much money?" LoL j/k but you just never know... Life is short and I want to be prepared. Doing what we can now to prepare for our future family... Only 32.5 years left til I retire! But who's counting?! LoL

Shout out to my State Farm Representative... Hector Camilo (aka the proud father of Layla a few entries below) www.hectorcamilo.com

I Trust You...

2009-06-23T21:00:00.005-04:00

I heard this song on the radio... It's amazing how one song can change your mood... I may be scared... and I may not understand... but I trust!

Frustrated is an Understatement...

2009-06-23T09:12:00.006-04:00

I was driving to work today and all over the radio was "Chris Brown pleads guilty to felony assault"... What took people so long to realize that Dating/Domestic/Intimate Partner Violence happens EVERY DAY???!!!!!!!! He got a slap on the wrist including community service and 2 weeks in a domestic violence class!!! WTF!!! Many people are upset because he didn't get jail time... But the part that get me upset is people are acting like this is the first time this kind of thing has happened. Chris Brown isn't the first person to get away WITHOUT jail time... and unfortunately he won't be the last... WAKE UP!!!! There are women who are pleading for their lives everyday. Afraid in their own homes...

I'm sick of hearing this victim blaming society... "Well she provoked him" "What did she do to make him so upset?" "She deserves it"... Blah blah blah... I'm bothered that many people still think this kind of violence is ok... There are NO excuses!

If you don't know... Let me school you...

Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44 in the United States; more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined!!

Approximately 4 women PER DAY are murdered by a current or ex husband/boyfriend

In 95% of all reported cases of partner abuse, women are victims

“Domestic Abuse is not a problem of individuals who can be treated and made well. It is caused by the attitudes and conditions tolerated and often condoned by our society. A woman attempting to leave a relationship must find a way to deal not only with her abuser, but also with the prevailing attitude of her community. Understanding how to work with an abused woman is important; understanding that to end domestic violence, you must work to change society is just as important.” (Julie Holmes-Smith, The Family Crisis Shelter Newsletter)

:::Whooo Saaa::: I need to take a deep breath...

It's A Girl!!!!

2009-06-21T20:58:00.003-04:00

As of June 20th at 11:26pm Layla Amber Camilo has entered the building! LoL I'm officially a Titi again! :) Whoo hoo!

Mommy and Layla

Daddy and Layla

Titi Nicole and Layla

Peace of Mind

2009-06-17T20:41:00.006-04:00

My dad said "sometimes you have to act the part" in life. I've always been known to be a happy person constantly smiling... but I realized sometimes I just "act" because it's a defense-to always smile and be in "control" of things. There have been many times when I smile to fight my sadness... Life is good and I have no right to complain... but everyone has something they struggle with including me.

Since I've been struggling lately I decided I decided I need to make peace with myself. So this past Saturday I drove away for a day of prayer alone... I kissed my fiancee before I left... shut off my phone and existed with just myself and God for 9 hours... I let out every cry that I have been holding onto for years... After letting the tears and sadness out... I came out relieved and ready to start living again... It's amazing how peace of mind changes things... I've slept the whole night since.

"Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past... move forward in building for your future."

Reality vs Interpretation

2009-05-30T11:42:00.003-04:00

"We don't see things as they are... We see them as WE are."

I read this simple quote but it has given me a lot to think about...

This kind of goes back to my post about "1,000 Words" Sometimes you don't understand things from another point of view... rather we put our own interpretations...

Night Dreams...

2009-05-21T08:37:00.002-04:00

Lately I havn't been getting a lot of sleep... and it's taking a toll on my concentration and daily stress. I keep having these night dreams... they are not nightmares because they do not scare me. They are the kind that bring to light those things you would just not rather think about. It's kind of like your past coming to remind you that they are still there hanging around in your subconscious. It wouldn't be bad except my body wakes up after each dream as if it wants to make sure I remember it. I haven't had that deep kind of peaceful sleep in a while... ::Sigh::

Usually when I have a lot of these dreams it means I'm going through change and transition... the hard part is how to make peace so the dreams can go away.

Wedding Dresses?

2009-05-18T08:55:00.003-04:00

My nephew received his 1st Communion this Saturday. In an Italian home this is the biggest thing next to your baptism and getting married. It's been the first time in a long time that I was in church... I felt a little relieved to be back for now. However, I can't lie I became a little bothered when I saw all of the little girls wearing white wedding dresses. (I'm talking about wedding dresses that I could have taken pointers from for my wedding! LOL) I always knew they wore white dresses (as I did when I received my 1st communion) but I guess I never really thought about why until now...

Now wonder why Catholics (specifically women)tend to have an distorted view of sexuality and commitment. The only time you wear white dresses in the Catholic religion is on your first communion- when you are being "married" off to God and then when you are married as an adult. What kind of message does this send out to the kids? Maybe I'm looking too much into this... but now that I'm older it's hard not to critically look at all of the things I have been taught as a kid... some of the lessons just don't hold true to me anymore... As Carmen would say I'm a "Recovering Catholic" or maybe I'm becoming my own "Reformed Catholic"???

1,000 Words Said...

2009-05-14T09:03:00.004-04:00

I heard a song yesterday called "Poetry" by Danity Kane... one of the verses said something like "Even with 1,000 words said we still don't understand what's going on in eachothers head". Many of us in relationships understand that communication is the key... but it's hard to understand just because you talk about something till you are blue in the face doesn't mean someone else can understand your side. Sometimes we are the only ones that is going to understand where we are coming from... it's just part of life. The challenging part is how to see past our "mis" understandings... Trusting the process and building for a better tomorrow...

Weekend Recap

2009-05-12T10:27:00.002-04:00

Friday: Went to Mt. Fuji with Jackie and Hector to celebrate their soon to be new addition to the family! Good food... but I definitely got sick on the way home! :(

Saturday: Went out for Ladys' 27th B-day! Fun times as usual with the girls! I havn't heard that much merenge, bachata, and salsa in a LONG time. It reminded me why I used to love dancing so much. Good times... good people...

Sunday: Mother's Day... I had a great Italian feast at my parent's house. My Godmother came down from Arizona and both of my grandmother's were there. We had 4 generations in one room! I'm not a mother but my nephew gave me a cute Godmother card with a sunflower on it! :) Priceless!

Random thought:
I am going to give myself an award for being the "Best Ex" LoL It's partly a joke but after dealing with my fiancee's ex I deserve something for being a nice ex girlfriend haha! Lord grant me patience for people who know not what they do... Being bitter is no way to live...

Twitter...

2009-05-08T11:43:00.002-04:00

Ok so I gave in and tried Twitter... Nik2B is my twitter alias! I still don't understand what the hype is about but I'm trying it out. So check me out if you tweet, twitt, or whatever it's called LoL

Motherhood...

2009-05-07T12:27:00.002-04:00

This weekend is Mother's Day... So Happy Mother's Day to all of our Mom's out there! I'm not a mom (yet) but I can appreciate the ones in my life. Other than the wonderful mother's in my life :) ... Jackie is pregnant!!! She is the first one out of our group from Marist to have a little one. She's almost here... July needs to come as fast as it can because we are all waiting anxiously! Layla is on her way!!! :)

Eating Candy... Dancing to Kanday

2009-05-06T23:05:00.003-04:00

I've had a lot on my mind... too much to list right now... Do you ever wish you could just turn back the hands of time? Just a little? I miss my days of just being a kid... playing hop scotch... sneaking out to Garcia's grocery to get sour sticks... making lanyard keychains... and dancing to LL Cool J's "Kanday"... LMAO!!! Those were the days...

By theway my WE channel is out of order right now... that means no more "Bridezilla" for me... LOL Those chicks are crazy! I hope I don't turn into one...

Wants vs Needs

2009-04-21T14:42:00.002-04:00

God doesn't give you the people you WANT,
He gives you the people you NEED.
Whether it's to help you... to hurt you... to leave you... to love you...
Whatever the reason...
It's to make you into the person you were meant to be.

Regrets

2009-04-20T13:45:00.002-04:00

I always hear people say "I have no regrets" and my first instinct is chuckle a little and think, "Liar". Everyone has some kind of regret in life... I have always tried to convince myself that everything happens for a reason (and I still believe so) however, I would be naive to think that I don't regret any decisions in my life. Some regrets are larger than others... but sometimes I do wonder... what if I didn't do this?... or what if I did?... I've come to realize the difference in regrets are some of them we may have the opportunity to "fix- or make right" in our lives... while others we may just go to the grave with. I think I have a little bit of both on my plate... No one's perfect... and neither am I. All I can do is be happy for today and trust that everything works out in the end... regrets and all.

Pictures of Gold

2009-04-08T00:08:00.003-04:00

My dad sent me some pictures of my nephew today... I almost cried because I can't believe how grown he is! This is one of my favorites... Time goes by fast! I am going to hold onto pics like these like they are gold!

Faith? Religion?

2009-04-05T09:48:00.005-04:00

Today is Sunday... But I don't feel up to going to church today...

I'm questioning my religion... I didn't say I was questioning my faith... but I am a little uneasy about my identified religion. Growing up in the Catholic Church has brought me much happines but it has also proved great sadness. I have never doubted my one true God... however, I am doubting "one true" religion. My religion has taught me the most important insight I could ever know "Do onto others as you would do onto yourself." But I also see the ignorance, guilt and struggle many people including myself have had to try to overcome while identifying as a Catholic.

So my question to myself is... Do I attempt to get married in the church and follow my family's wants? Or do I go against the grain and believe in my faith rather then rules of my religion? According to my church someone who is married previously cannot get married again in the catholic church unless they get an annulment (which is worse then going on trial for murder- it's no joke) or their spouse dies. My parents were both married young to other people and ended up getting divorced... then they found each other and lived happy ever after. But according to my church that's wrong? I'm struggling with all of this...

I think I will stick with my facebook saying "It doesn't matter what religion you are... all that matters is love!" We'll see...

My New Blogger

2009-03-31T22:47:00.003-04:00

I started a separate blog "Goin to the Chapel" to explore my new world of wedding planning... If you are interested in my process take a look. If you don't want to read about love and weddings you can just stick to this blog... I will stick to my regularly scheduled program on here as well... Check it out if you would like... I just started it but stay tuned for updates...

http://bakerbiccawedding.blogspot.com/

Twitter...

2009-03-31T11:48:00.003-04:00

I've been hearing about this new thing called "Twitter"... I don't really know what I think about it... apparently it's a "big deal" now. Just wondering... do any of my bloggers use it? If so what do you think about it? Just curious...

Catching some zzzz.....

2009-03-18T21:15:00.003-04:00

Lately I have been so tired and overwhelmed... The human body is amazing... It is always giving you clues as to how it's feeling... but I tried to ignore the headaches, yawns, resting my eyes at stop lights, sighs, and uneasy feelings because I simply have "too much to accomplish in so little time"... But my body decided to fight back and it physically shut off yesterday... I fell asleep at 9pm and didn't get up until it was time to get up for work at 6:45am. So I slept for almost 10 hours!!!! I normally force myself to get up because I don't want to "waste my time" but apparently I had no choice on this one. I felt a little guilty having slept so long but I have to admit when I woke up I felt great! Although I can't see myself getting this luxury again anytime soon... I can appreciate the energy and life I had today. I guess sleep really does make a difference. Huh?

Trying times...

2009-03-10T09:43:00.003-04:00

the economy... interest rates... raising a family... saving money... car notes... 401(k)... retirement... marriage... budgets... pay cuts... All of this grown up stuff is a lot to take on at one time. It can even be overwhelming... So much uncertainty in trying times... I guess we just have to take it one day at a time and work/hope/pray for the best...

"Do what you NEED to do, so you can do the things you WANT to do" ~The Great Debaters

I am my mother's daughter

2009-02-24T15:45:00.002-05:00

We picked a tentative wedding date... November 11, 2011. It is also Veteran's Day so it will be nice to celebrate both on the same day. The date is far but as we begin this long journey of wedding planning I wanted to read a little information about how to plan a wedding... (because I don't have a clue!) I looked at Barnes and Nobles, Ebay, Amazon, etc. Out of the hundreds of books published I decided to go with a simple book called "Bridal Bargains". It was interesting, received good reviews, and didn't seem too lengthy. I didn't tell anyone I purchased the book... Then yesterday, I got a phone call from my mom. She said she was at the store and picked up a book she thought I could use for the wedding. When I went to her house... it was the SAME EXACT book I purchased. LoL I was laughing at the coincidence. What are the chances out of all of the books in the world? Ha!

I must admit it made me realize how much I have grown to be a woman just like my mother. I can only wish to one day be as good of a person... or future mother as she has been to me.

Boycott New York Post

2009-02-23T14:57:00.004-05:00

As I'm sure many of you have seen the disgusting cartoon the NY Post published recently depicting the police shooting a chimp they described as Obama. I'm using this as a teachable moment to my students. Just like John Legend said below "I believe in freedom of speech, and you have every right to print what you want. But freedom of speech still comes with responsibilities and consequences." I am beyond frustrated that someone would view this cartoon as "Ok". I will not be using the Post in my classes anymore.
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Dear Editor:

I'm trying to understand what possible motivation you may have had for publishing that vile cartoon depicting the shooting of the chimpanzee that went crazy. I guess you thought it would be funny to suggest that whomever was responsible for writing the Economic Recovery legislation must have the intelligence and judgment of a deranged, violent chimpanzee, and should be shot to protect the larger community. Really? Did it occur to you that this suggestion would imply a connection between President Barack Obama and the deranged chimpanzee? Did it occur to you that our President has been receiving death threats since early in his candidacy? Did it occur to you that blacks have historically been compared to various apes as a way of racist insult and mockery? Did you intend to invoke these painful themes when you printed the cartoon?

If that's not what you intended, then it was stupid and willfully ignorant of you not to connect these easily connectable dots. If it is what you intended, then you obviously wanted to be grossly provocative, racist and offensive to the sensibilities of most reasonable Americans. Either way, you should not have printed this cartoon, and the fact that you did is truly reprehensible. I can't imagine what possible justification you have for this. I've read your lame statement in response to the outrage you provoked. Shame on you for dodging the real issue and then using the letter as an opportunity to attack Rev. Sharpton. This is not about Rev. Sharpton. It's about the cartoon being blatantly racist and offensive.

I believe in freedom of speech, and you have every right to print what you want. But freedom of speech still comes with responsibilities and consequences. You are responsible for printing this cartoon, and I hope you experience some real consequences for it. I'm personally boycotting your paper and won't do any interviews with any of your reporters, and I encourage all of my colleagues in the entertainment business to do so as well. I implore your advertisers to seriously reconsider their business relationships with you as well.

You should print an apology in your paper acknowledging that this cartoon was ignorant, offensive and racist and should not have been printed.

I'm well aware of our country's history of racism and violence, but I truly believe we are better than this filth. As we attempt to rise above our difficult past and look toward a better future, we don't need the New York Post to resurrect the images of Jim Crow to deride the new administration and put black folks in our place. Please feel free to criticize and honestly evaluate our new President, but do so without the incendiary images and rhetoric.

Sincerely,
John Legend

We're Goin To a Chapel...

2009-02-15T08:50:00.005-05:00

... And We're Gonna Get Married!

It's official! I am ENGAGED! It's been a looonnngggg road but all of the ups and down all came together with those 4 words, "Will you marry me?" Every girl dreams about the day it will happen...It all made sense in those 3 seconds and I quickly said "Yes"! I knew it would happen "one day" I just didn't expect it today. It still feels like it's a dream... I'll write more after I get my head out of cloud 9. :)

March 15, 2009... Can't Wait!

2009-02-04T10:43:00.002-05:00

Snow

2009-02-03T14:13:00.004-05:00

***Snow*** Snow*** Go away! Come back another day! I don't know about you guys but I think I've had enough snow for the winter. Too bad the ground hog saw his shadow!

I feel bad that I am not as excited about the snow as I was when I was a kid... but I guess things change when you are driving in a car to work rather staying home on a snow day and sleighing down a hill with your friends. ::Sigh:: I miss being a kid... Now I want some hot chocolate! :)

My Broken Soldier

2009-01-28T21:03:00.008-05:00

They are welcomed with American flags and yellow ribbons. When a soldier comes home we tell them "welcome home" but the battle never leaves them. It lives with them long after they have left the war.

He's my soldier.. deployed to Iraq as infantry in the US Marines... He's my hero in more ways then one. When the twin towers went down and Bush declared those dreaded words of war... his unit was one of the first on the scene in Iraq. He went and faught but came back a different man... Not hurt physically but mentally he's broken... What happens when your soldier has to fight his own demons... PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)... What happens when your soldier seems to be losing his fight?... avoidance, emotional numbing, memory loss, loss of interest in activities and life in general, feeling detached from others and emotionally numb, difficulty sleeping, or sleeping too much, flashbacks, nightmares, irritability or outbursts of anger, difficulty concentrating, feeling jumpy and easily startled, depression, headaches, stomach problems, chest pain... and the list goes on...

It would be easy to just walk away... I can't act like I've never considered it... But he's my love, my strength, my future... so now I've decided to pick up the battle and see him through this fight just like the warrior as inked on his war tattoo.
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Dear Mr. President,

I have hope in the world... I pray you think of every soldier who came home broken and every life the world has lost when you talk about what seems like a never ending war. We are counting on you...

In God I trust,
N.B.